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My One and Only

Let me introduce you to my son, Kyle Benjamin. He is 'my one and only.' This blog is dedicated to him, his memory and the many ways his death has impacted my life forever. You will learn more about Kyle and his story as time passes, but today, just look at my beautiful boy. 

September 3, 2019

The stranger on the street can't tell by looking at us moms that we've lost a child to suicide.

This month is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. We must talk to our friends, our loved ones. Talking to them about suicide will not make them want to take their lives. What...

August 29, 2019

When your child dies tragically at a young age and especially when they die by suicide, you're always trying to figure things out. What I've learned since his death is...you can't. And I've stopped trying.

Being a woman of faith for many years tells me that oftentimes i...

August 21, 2019

It was one of those days. That phrase might be one of the most used phrases there ever was. I know we've all let it tumble over our lips at one time or another; we all have 'one of those days.'

I didn't sleep well the night before, having trouble falling asleep and...

February 10, 2019

It was a warm summer day, and Kyle was 13 years old. I sent him to the mailbox to collect the mail one morning as I often did. But it was this particular morning I decided to stop what I was doing and watch my boy through the kitchen window. As Kyle made the short walk...

October 13, 2018

Kyle's dad and I had been married a year when mutually deciding to try and become pregnant. He already had two young children from two previous marriages. I was 24, never previously married and no children, so of course, I wanted children; it wasn't a surprise. Three m...

July 6, 2018

1998—Kyle was 10 years old.

One weekend, Kyle, his dad, and I were watching a move like we often did. And I remember commenting, “You know something bad is about to happen because of the music.” Kyle looked at me completely baffled and asked, “What music?” Even after be...

November 25, 2017

As I was putting up my 3’ tree yesterday afternoon, I strolled down memory lane to the first Christmas tree I had. The year was 1983; it was my first Christmas in my first apartment.  My mom bought the tree for me at a yard sale for $3. My tree this year was one I had...

November 2, 2017

My only child took his life eleven months ago today, and it was at that moment my life would forever be changed. 

It hurts deeply when someone tells me I need to 'stop living in the past and move forward'  only because my grief makes them uncomfortable....

September 29, 2017

And then there's his watch. I've had it ever since his personal effects were handed over to me on February 26, 2017. I placed it on my dresser where it's been laying just like this for months. I take a quick glance at it a few times a day to see if it's still ticking....

September 26, 2017

Early on, Kyle, his dad and I watched everything 'Star Trek.'  The former Borg Drone female, 7 of 9, could regenerate in a regeneration alcove for only 3 hours, daily.  Kyle didn't understand why science had yet to come up with something similar, a recharging station o...

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August 29, 2019

August 21, 2019

February 10, 2019

November 11, 2018

October 13, 2018

July 6, 2018

November 25, 2017

November 2, 2017

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Finding my Joy, again..

Hi, my name is Joy. I'm a 50-something Jesus follower in progress, finding new purpose in this life of mine after tragedy struck, changing its course forever.

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