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unwanted

October 13, 2018

Kyle's dad and I had been married a year when mutually deciding to try and become pregnant. He already had two young children from two previous marriages. I was 24, never previously married and no children, so of course, I wanted children; it wasn't a surprise. Three months later I was taking a pregnancy test one morning before work. As my husband was getting ready to leave for his job I asked, "do you want me to call you [with the results]?" He replied, "no." Since there were no cell phones in the late 80's I wouldn't be able to call him later after he started his route for the day. 

 

I took the test, the kind that you dipped into your urine, then placed in a safe place with no movement for 10 minutes waiting to see if it turned blue, if you were indeed pregnant. It turned bright blue; I was pregnant. And I was so excited...crazy excited. I immediately called my mom to tell her the good news. When I arrived at work a co-worker of mine, who was also trying to conceive, had pulled up at the same time. I went over to her and practically yelled, "the stick turned blue!" We grabbed each other's hands and literally jumped up and down as if we were kids at recess. I still have that stick with its fading blue.

 

The day was full of excitement. Everyone knew first before my husband, well, not his family. Maybe that wasn't the right way to do things, but it's not like they could call him and tell him or that he would find out on Facebook by that one friend who thought it was 'okay' to post.

 

When I left work for the day, I drove straight to the warehouse. Most all the employees were gone already, except my husband, the father of our unborn baby. I walked up behind him where he was sitting at a desk completing paperwork and stood next to him. He didn't look up, didn't say a word to me, just kept transferring numbers onto the sheet of paper. After a couple of minutes I asked, "Don't you want to know?" He replied with complete coldness, "No." I told him anyway..."I'm pregnant." There was no hugging me telling me how happy he was. There was no touching my belly saying, "My baby is in there!" There...was...nothing. I had such a sick feeling in my gut at that moment, and I was scared, truly scared for my baby's future.

 

 

 

 

This picture was taken by my sister. We had traveled to her and her family's in Texas for vacation when they lived there. We were being silly taking each other's pictures at her apartment complex pool. It's when I was young and skinny...just 24 and long before I would regret ever tanning.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was pregnant with Kyle in this picture. A week later is when I took that pregnancy test.

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