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grief crept in

August 21, 2019

It was one of those days. That phrase might be one of the most used phrases there ever was. I know we've all let it tumble over our lips at one time or another; we all have 'one of those days.'

 

I didn't sleep well the night before, having trouble falling asleep and when I did, not able to stay asleep.

 

Lack of sleep always makes things seem a little more bleak, right? Or so they say.

"Having a tired body is asking for injury at the gym," I told myself. And I didn't go.

 

I sat right here at my place on the couch, watching it rain, pup at my side (they always feel our pain), writing in my prayer journal while pulling a Kleenex from the box every few minutes. Why was I crying? I couldn't quite put my finger on it or maybe I was putting my finger on the wrong thing? I cried out to God about this and that, not really being honest with myself at all.

At least I finally dressed, I told myself...at least.

 

And this is what I do sometimes when I'm feeling sorry for myself... I make a quarter batch of my favorite go-to dessert--Chocolate No-Bake Cookies.

 

1/4 Batch of Chocolate No-Bake Cookies

 

1/2 C. sugar

1/4 Tsp. salt

1 T. butter

1/8 C. Almond Milk

1 T. Baking Cocoa

 

Place in a small sauce pan on med-high heat, stirring a couple times to remove cocoa lumps while heating. Bring to a boil..bubbles about the size of a large egg, then time exactly 2 minutes longer. Remove from heat immediately and add:

 

1/2 C. quick oats

2 1/2 T. peanut butter

1/4 Tsp. Vanilla

 

Combine until peanut butter is melted. Add cookie sized spoonfuls to wax paper or do what I do...

Place folded tea towel underneath hot pan. Eat warm cookie mixture directly from the pan while sitting on the couch watching Netflix.

 

I finally forced myself to get up and do a load of laundry left from vacation last week, steamed clothes, put away clothes, dusted, vacuumed some, washed dishes, made a gallon of tea for my love...and then it was time for him to come home from work. As always, I was met with the most amazing hug, one of those therapeutic hugs. I know this man loves me and cares for me incredibly well. He asked how my day was. I hesitated and a moment later said, "It got better." He didn't ask what I meant by it. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. Oftentimes others are having 'one of those days' as well. Or maybe he knew what was bothering me and just let me be. He's pretty intuitive like that. Because unfortunately we both have it in common. Bingo...that's exactly it...grief crept in without warning. I don't know why it takes me by surprise. It's something that's always there but is pushed back in the far corners of my mind until it charges full force to the front as it eventually will, and it can't be stopped. 


So, that's what was wrong, and it's always wrong. Your child should not die before you. Going through life with this gaping hole in your heart isn't right; it's all wrong. I deal with it as best I can...until the next batch of cookies and new box of Kleenex.

 

#itwashisfavoritecookie #myoneandonly #forever28 #griefneverleaves #alwaysinmyheart #alwaysmissed 

 

 

 

 

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